American Pie 2

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By Mark Ramsey | 2001/08/08

Put the brakes on, Rush Hour 2. Get a room, America’s Sweethearts. The best comedy of the year so far is opening this weekend at a theater near you, and it’s called American Pie 2.

Now I was no big fan of the first one, so my expectations for this sequel were lower than Jenna Bush doing the limbo at a frat mixer. Imagine my surprise when the movie that defined the term “brainless teen sex comedy” evolved before my eyes into “college-age sex comedy with a heart.” Fans of the funny stuff will appreciate that AP2 is as knock-down funny as the first one – I think more so. And it’s so much more you have to see it for yourself to appreciate it.

Seann William Scott’s Stiffler is the comic Tootsie Roll center of this movie. He is the horny frat-boy everyman who – alone in AP2 - shows absolutely no character growth whatsoever since such things kill his buzz and distract him from scoring. He’s the same Homo Erectus as ever. His only arc is from one bikini-clad babe to another. God bless him!

Once again, Shannon Elizabeth’s impossible-to-place, Russian-ish accent suggests she should be engaging warp factor one beside Lieutenant Sulu. This girl may be a perfect ten but in a perfect world she’d swap a script for a pole and give her breasts fresh air – a sensation they’re well accustomed to. Did you know Shannon’s breasts had their own hair and makeup on this set? In one scene, Shannon’s Nadia writes Jason Biggs a postcard – certainly it was ghost-written since it includes real words in actual sentences with punctuation and everthing!

Many of the key comic moments in AP2 equal the classic segments in the first movie. When the boys, as house-painters, suspect the owners of the house they’re working on are lesbians, their “search for lesbian artifacts” will make you fall out of your chair and roll helplessly down the aisle. Don’t let me pass you on your way.

While plenty of gross stuff happens in this movie, some of it is implied rather than explicitly shown. This, it turns out, works a lot better. And what’s that I see in the spaces between the funny parts? Real feelings? Characters who change? Not since There’s Something About Mary have I enjoyed such a perfect blend of heart and fart.

AP2 is rated R for “strong sexual content, crude humor, language, and drinking.” Thank God the MPAA doesn’t rate high schools – no student would be old enough to attend. Not only is this warning printed on all AP2′s advertising, it’s also stamped on Ben Affleck’s driver’s license. Said Ben, “I’ve been building up points to earn first class upgrades!”

Movie schmovie. Here was a chance to tempt fate by proposing to Tara Reid. Tara, who recently spent her last day on the countdown with MTV’s Carson Daly, looked stunned and incredulous when I popped the question through a proxy interviewer. All my questions were administered by proxy – which means a lot of the best ones were filtered out. I asked Alyson Hannigan who would win in a fight to the death, her Willow character from Buffy or Samantha from Bewitched. That sucky question looked good on paper, at least.

Two good ones passed over:

“Eugene Levy, if there is a God, does he still watch SCTV?”

To anyone: “Can you give me the pie’s phone number? I’d like to hook up with her for a late night fruity call.”

Oh well.

I won’t tell you what Tara’s answer was, except to suggest I was only one overpriced, oversized fruit drink away from a Pussycat.

You’ll need this first, baby. It’s free.

the question

see the answer

“Tara, would you marry me? I can send you a picture.”

(Thank God for the quick-witted Alyson Hannigan)

bandwidth to burn

not fast, not slow

how do I know? I just plug my modem into the phone line

The ensemble cast is terrific, one and all. Especially good are geeky Biggs, horny Seann, and (believe it or not) the charming flute-fetishist Alyson Hannigan. She’s AP2′s reminder that, as John Cusack once discovered, en route to the “sure thing” sometimes you find the real thing.


Photos Copyright ©2001 Universal Studios

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