Scary Movie 2

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By Mark Ramsey | 2001/11/04

Who put this first draft on the big screen? It’s the improv exercise from Hell – the In Living Color bit that will not die – the number one film on the American Film Institute’s “AFI’s 100 Years, 100 Pieces of Crap.”

Be forewarned: Scary Movie 2 is not good. In fact it’s so far from good the light from good will take 10,000 years to reach it.

shallowhal_oddcouple.jpgI liked the first Scary Movie, but this spooky rush job is a hobgob blob. This movie was shooting up until about two seconds ago. In one scene, Marlon Wayans is with today’s LA Times – he’s using it to roll a blunt, but still.

Not that speed was more important than quality, but this movie was made so fast and furiously that Dimension Films has announced plans to hereafter ditch theaters and go straight to drive-thru’s. I’ll take a #2 – and believe me when I say there’s plenty of #2 in this flick.

Instead of spoofing teen slasher films, this sequel takes on all kinds of SNL-type targets and haunted house flicks like The House on Haunted Hill, which, unbeknownst to these filmmakers, was a parody of itself.

Said director Keenen Ivory Wayans, “The idea for Scary Movie 2 came the moment we saw opening grosses for Scary Movie 1. ‘Golly,’ I said to my brothers, Marlon and Shawn, ‘I’m gonna git RICH, sucka!’ I would have said it to Damon, but he’s evidently been sealed in a block of carbonite ever since the last In Living Color flygirl sterilized her pom-poms.”

Scary Movie 2 opens with Andy Richter and James Woods in a reasonably entertaining Exorcist spoof – notable in part because it’s the segment that was to have featured Marlon Brando until Marlon bowed out, explaining “This movie’s not big enough for two Marlons, and God knows it’s not big enough for one Brando.”

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The Exorcist? Now that we’re spoofing 30-year-old movies, why stop there? “In the next sequel,” says director Keenen, “we’re tearing to shreds Battleship Potemkin and My Friend Flicka. The kids will eat it up!”

The crappy stuff never stops flowing: From a long, unfunny fistfight between Anna Faris and an insane clown pussy to a spoof of the Hannibal brain-eating scene with a capper so “inside,” even those of us who get it don’t think its much of a payoff.

Tim Curry plays like Harrison Ford in a weak spoof of What Lies Beneath. Unlike Harrison, however, Tim’s got a big round belly like a bowl full of jelly. When Anna Faris sits on him a la Michelle Pfeiffer, her seasick, back-and-forth rocking indicates the time has come for Tim to go home to his aquarium at Sea World and prep for shows at 9, 11, and 2.

Tori Spelling tags along, bringing her acute sense of self-parody with her. Tori, you can only be a joke for so long until you become an old joke.

As in There’s Something About Mary, Chris Elliot yet again plays a character with a notable complexion problem. Is “go-to blemish guy” on his resume? No wonder Chris was honored by the United Federation of Planets as the human most resembling the Ambassador from Rigel 5.

This movie dispenses altogether with plot points and advances straight to wedgie points, toilet points, jiz points, and hurl points. The gags come fast, but for the most part they’re more withered than Chris Elliot’s fake arm and just about as funny.

Beware, fans of the first Scary Movie: This sequel is bigger, broader, and badder. Especially badder.


Photos Copyright ©2001 Dimension Films

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