Shocker: Stallone’s Muscle-Building Secret comes in Bottle

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By Mark Ramsey | 2007/03/13

stallone.jpgSly Stallone has a weight on his shoulders, but not the kind that requires a gym.

It seems that Stallone has been nabbed down under for illegally importing “performance and image enhancing drugs,” specifically – 48 vials of human growth hormone.

“We knew something was wrong when we strip-searched Mr. Stallone and noticed that his testicles were the size of two Paremecia,” said a local police lieutenant on the scene who was acquainted with the appearance of both single-celled protozoa and testicles.

“I can explain the growth hormone,” said Stallone. “I am trying to grow 50 feet tall so that I can climb the Empire State Building and swat at biplanes.”

This explanation made sense to the Australian authorities, who released Mr. Stallone on the condition that he promised never to return to Australia unless he came with 48 vials of Human Acting Hormone or several hundred eye pillows for what is expected to be a very drowsy Rocky Balboa audience.

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