Harvey Weinstein knows how to fix Grindhouse!

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By Mark Ramsey | 2007/04/11

grindhouse2_large.gifThanks to the poor box office bow of Grindhouse, The Weinstein Company, which produced the film, says it will now cut the double-feature in half and re-release it as two separate movies.

Why such a problem? Not only because the more-than-three-hour running time is scaring movie-goers away. But also because some audience folks are confused and actually leave after the first movie, thinking it’s over.

What’s more, the theater I saw the movie in posted a statement on the door explaining that the poor film quality, missing reels, and bad edits were actually part of the film and not the fault of theater management.

In other words, the audience is a bunch of idiots – but a bunch of idiots with power and money.

Fortunately Weinstein Company head Harvey Weinstein has a seven-part solution:

1. Quentin Tarantino will add in new scenes featuring Eddie Murphy in a fat suit

2. Surprise! Grindhouse is a Frank Miller graphic novel!

3. Every screening will be preceeded by a warm-up from Larry the Cable Guy

4. Every Grindhouse ticket counts as one vote for Sanjya

5. Rose McGowan will be digitally erased and substituted with Gwyneth Paltrow

6. Title will be changed to “Harry Potter and the Grindhouse of Azkaban”

7. New marketing theme: “Pay $10 for the Spider-Man 3 trailer, watch Grindhouse for free”

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