28 Weeks Later

By Mark Ramsey | 2007/05/14

When you see an angry dude racing your way with open sores, bloodshot eyes, and a British accent, you had better hope you’re in the middle of a soccer match between two pub crawls.

“Help! I’m being chased by shaky cameras with dropped frames! I’m trying to outrun the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan!

28weekslater_secretpassword.jpgBloodshot eyes? Open sores? It’s Tom Sizemore’s world and welcome to it!

Yes, the “rage virus” is back. And, like a few moments on E! with Ryan Seacrest, any contact makes you nuts within seconds.

The original infection burned itself out when every victim either starved to death or, like Lara Flynn Boyle, was mistaken for their own headshot. Said one of the infected, “if your country was best known for steak and kidney pie, you’d starve too.”

Thanks to the wobbly camera, you can’t even tell what’s going on half the time and 28 Weeks Later becomes like a TXT message of a movie. You could see more details if you spin around fast in a circle three times before looking at wherever you expect to find a screen.

Evidently, there are two kinds of viruses, the kind that gives you the runs and the kind that makes you run, and this is the latter. Why does the “rage virus” make victims sprint across the countryside like they’re being chased by Cujo?

28weeks_fookinzombies.jpgIf this sickness gives you some pep, maybe it’s not all bad. “Half of Britain is infected with rage,” said one TV presenter, “but on the positive side, they now get off their asses and change the TV channels manually.”

Ironically, the same virus that makes victims act like Paparazzi also makes them lose interest in tabloids! “I died not a moment too soon,” said Anna Nicole Smith, although it sounded more like “Ah dahyd not uh mommmetosoooooooo.”

Robert Carlyle, who suffers from the “I could have benefited from Orthodontia as a teenager” virus, is reunited with his kids after the first outbreak has cooled. And that’s when the kids pretty much precipitate the deaths of millions of people. Naughty kids! “We can shoot those kids between the eyes,” said one soldier, “but the Geneva Convention outlaws spanking.”

Yes, the American troops are stationed in the UK to preserve the peace. Can the troops prevent another outbreak?

“Where there’s a Will there’s a Grace,” said one soldier who was practicing the official policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell, and for God’s sake don’t know all the songs from Mame.”

28 Weeks Later kicks butt, there’s no question about that. It’s no wonder director John Waters plan to bring it to Broadway as the first-ever virus musical set in Baltimore.

If a terrifying blend of mass panic, mass anger, and mass slaughter is what you seek and you don’t want to wait for the evening news to find it, 28 Weeks Later is the movie for you.

Run for your lives.

More about this movie at AskMen.com


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