Paris Hilton finally behind bars which don’t serve mixed drinks

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By Mark Ramsey | 2007/06/05

paris.jpgSafely tucked behind bars, Paris Hilton’s attorney reports that his client is “using this time to reflect on her life, to see what she can do to make the world better.”

“…besides serving a lifetime sentence,” he quickly added, verbalizing what pretty much everyone was thinking.

Said Paris’s attorney, “She’s also befriending numerous women who resemble James Gandolfini – but with more facial hair.”

Meanwhile, diamond encrusted manacles are reported to be flying off the shelves at Harry Winston’s in Beverly Hills while couture orange jumpsuits are all the rage at Saks.

“I’ve stolen three already,” reports a very orange Winona Ryder from the set of her new movie, Whatever Happened to Winona Ryder?

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“This is where we would kiss if I was attracted to girls”