The Transformers movie sparks a trend

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By Mark Ramsey | 2007/07/07

potatobot.jpgIf you think the new Transformers movie is the only time Hollywood will raid your broke-ass toy chest from decades gone by, think again.

In the development pipeline are some real gems:

- H.R. Pufnstuf descends into a drug and booze-fueled haze, only to be redeemed by rehab counselor Freddie the Talking Flute. As the tagline says, “They said a woodwind instrument couldn’t have eyes, but what about a heart as big as all outdoors?”

- My Little Pony has an accident on the carpet in a delightful comedy romp starring Dakota Fanning as a 40-year-old magically implanted into a 13-year-old body. “Take one of these,” says young Dakota, offering prescription meds to co-star Dennis Hopper, “and My Little Pony becomes My Little Unicorn.”

- In the little town of Willoughby, Oklahoma, all the Easy Bake Ovens are coming to life and text-messaging each other in a conspiratorial plot to corner the market for heating elements that masquerade as light bulbs and, in the process, entrap and burn to death their human playmates.

- In a thriller from director Jonathan Demme, bearcub reporter TJ Bearytales suffers a psychotic breakdown and goes on a shooting spree at a Winchell’s donut shop in Pasadena. Retired bitter and alcoholic cop Gary Oldman must return to duty and an American accent for one last case: Stop Bearytales and discover whether in fact, the “TJ” is Bearytales’ nickname from his days in the donkey shows in Tijuana.

- Tori Spelling and Josh Brolin star in a heartwarming tale of a young boy with a hideous deformity who nevertheless yearns to be a style icon and judge on America’s Next Top Model. The movie, Mr. Potato Head Gets Fierce, represents the first time – and probably not the last – that a potato diminishes an aspiring model: “That’s catalog, not couture, girl!”

- In the first ever X-rated take on a children’s toy, Vivid Video presents Baby Alive Sip ‘N Slurp Does Dallas, and neither Texas nor its panhandle will ever be the same again.

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