More “Harry Potter” Hate Mail

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By Mark Ramsey | 2007/07/11

Ah, my Harry Potter writeup has all the wizards emerging from their Hogwarts bedrooms in their parents’ houses, and they’re spell-casting mad!

—–Original Message—–

From: [NAME HIDDEN TO PROTECT MOVIE BUFFS WHO HAVE TURNED THEIR GARAGE INTO AZKABAN PRISON]

Sent: Monday, July 09, 2007 10:14 PM

To: hatemail@moviejuice.com

Subject: Mark Ramsey Isn’t Funny

I am sure you have been getting this a lot lately, but Mark Ramsey’s review of the 5th Harry Potter movie was the most pathetic thing I have ever read. It was a painful harangue that attempted to demonstrate Ramsey’s wit and charm, but only succeeded in making him look like a moron. His jokes were so frequent and unsubstantiated, it made his review seem childish. Every joke consisted of a fake quote from different characters using a stupid Harry Potter pun. For example, “Harry smells trouble: ‘It is He Who Must Not Be Smelled.’” This in reference to Voldemort (AKA “He who must not be named”). I mean… come on. That is literally the corniest joke I have ever heard. That is the kind of joke 8 year olds are making right now and it was actually published on a so-called movie review website? Get better writers.

MY REPLY:

NECA_Voldemortpkg.jpgDear Professor DumbleSnore:

I fear there’s a Quidditch ball lodged in your brain. Perhaps if you bob your head from side to side you can loosen it without jostling your exciting collection of Harry Potter 12 inch action figures.

Thanks for explaining the “He who must not be smelled” joke which, I’m quite sure, nobody would have gotten had it not been for your authoritative dissection. The dictionary’s Webster himself would be proud if, like you, he weren’t too busy dressing up in a black robe on a broomstick flying desperately to find either a grand adventure or a life.

Whichever comes first.

Mark Ramsey

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