Tom Cruise fails to commit murder

By Mark Ramsey | 2007/08/21

20070820__PeopleCruiseAccident~1_Gallery.jpgIn a fitting bit of irony, several extras escaped alive from the set of Tom Cruise’s latest movie where Tom plays a German WWII officer who fails to kill Adolf Hitler.

“Life imitates art,” said Cruise. “”Just as I failed to kill Hitler, so I failed to slaughter those extras.”

“Perhaps if the truck they were in was driving faster than 10 miles per hour…” schemed Cruise, who having already climbed on Oprah’s couch and married a breeder is out of sure-fire ways to generate attention short of attempted murder.

Neither Cruise nor his director were on set at the time of the mishap which is both terribly convenient and a really difficult way to film a Tom Cruise movie.

The accident coincidentally followed an episode where several German extras reportedly laughed at the sight of Cruise in an eye-patch and Nazi uniform that revealed his enormous hips.

“I think they thought I was playing a pirate,” explained a bitter Cruise.

Katie and the kids were in a safe location that reportedly hasn’t been disclosed to Tom in 13 months.


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