Christina Ricci is crazy
So Christina Ricci offered to tow my jet ski to the beach, and I said "Sure!"
So she wrapped a chain around her waist and said "It's important that I tow watercraft in panties and a baby-doll tee."
Never one to argue with a manual laborer, I acquiesced.
"Can I wear the shirt that symbolizes the struggle of the American Civil War and the deep divides separating brother from brother, blue from gray, during the 19th century?" she asked.
"Then again," she added, "who needs another deep divide when you've got the one between my tee and panties."
"Some divides are deeper than the conflict between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump," I offered, "and eminently more photogenic."
"Photogenic doesn't tow your jet ski to the waterfront," she helpfully noted, as she started trudging.
"Tim Burton would have used a rope," she added.