A new year means new hate-mail

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By Mark Ramsey | 2008/01/02

What would a new year be without some fresh hate-mail!

Here’s the cream of the latest batch:

Just a suggestion, insulting your audience may not be a good idea… I mean, that line [from National Treasure: Book of Secrets], “Now our heroes are off to the Library of Congress, which is as close as most of this audience will ever come to a book that isn’t filled with stamps.” Is really a rude thing to say about persons most of whom you will never know. A rule I try to live by is to insult people with substantive knowledge of their life, if I really need to insult anyone at all.

My Reply:

If insulting the audience is a sin then Hollywood would have slipped into the fiery depths of Hell ages ago.

I would like to address your concern directly, but I was in that audience and don’t know how to read. Thus, your comment resembles the scribbled ravings of a lunatic.

I did scan it for postage stamps, however, and I found it sorely lacking.

Did someone, at some point in time, drunk or sober, tell you that you were funny? That person played a cruel joke on you.

My Reply:

Ah, but a cruel joke can still be funny. And you, sir, wouldn’t recognize funny if it wore a fat-suit and tripped down a manhole.

Heads as pointy as yours should be thrown at dartboards by drunken sailors.

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