He’s Just Not That Into You

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By Mark Ramsey | 2009/02/10

What are the rules of dating? Let’s analyze them to death! And by “death” I mean yours and mine.

The great thing about Valentine’s movies is that they bring out stars who aim to prove that if they can they barely act on a big GREEN screen, they can also barely act on a 50 foot SILVER one.

Yes, it’s the season for love – and movies that only materialize near February 14 and immediately dematerialize thereafter.

He’s Just Not That Into You features not exactly an all-star cast, more like an all-stars-who-have-been-in-better-movies cast.

You know Jennifer Aniston has a movie coming out when she pops up naked on a magazine cover. I actually set my clock by it. Hey, Jennifer’s booty says it’s time to adjust to daylight savings! Why not just sell tickets to the naked magazine covers instead of the movies?

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In He’s Just Not That Into You, Jen’s living with Ben Affleck. Now I don’t mean “Leading Man Ben,” I’m talking about the more recent vintage “Ensemble Player Ben.” Because “Leading Man Ben” is now “Box-Office Poison Ben.”

If I’m not mistaken, this is the first collaboration between Affleck and the Mac guy, and Affleck enjoyed every minute, except when the Mac guy addressed him as “hey, PC….”

When it comes to relationships, it’s the Mac guy who – ironically – has the compatibility problems.

You have Scarlett Johansson in all her radiant Johanssonness. Watching Scarlett work is almost like being abducted by aliens. All the “missing time” but none of the inappropriate prodding.

Drew Barrymore is here, meaning America’s sweetheart Drew and America’s sweetheart Jen team with America’s sweetheart Scarlett, magnifying the sweetness exponentially and placing the audience at serious risk of diabetes.

How did Reese Witherspoon miss this casting call?

Enter Luis Guzman – the only actor I can think of who was born to play an unlicensed contractor.

Throw in Jennifer Connelly and Kris Kristofferson and you have enough intertwined stories to braid hair. In other words, it’s just like the movie Crash, but with fewer complicated ethical and moral dilemmas and more quizzes from Cosmo.

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Kristofferson plays Jennifer Aniston’s dad. “And a case of Corona plays her mom,” Kris adds, reflecting wistfully on better days.

Personally I didn’t see the family resemblance until Jen wedged a lime in her neck.

He’s Just Not That Into You is better than a kick in the head, but not necessarily better than a lonely Saturday night and a pint of Haagen-Dazs.

It’s like Friends – but without benefits.

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