Predators

128
By Mark Ramsey | 2010/07/17

Talk about a falling star.

We open on Adrien Brody tumbling from the sky – and several miles behind him the rest of his nose was falling, too.

“As long as I don’t land on a planet where aliens take style cues from Whoopi Goldberg,” said Brody, clutching his Oscar as if it was Mel Gibson’s last friend.

“Help me, help me!” screamed the Oscar, as it awoke to realize that it was in the possession of the star of Predators.

“Did the Danny Glover sequel and an encounter with Aliens leave that many unanswered questions?” asked the frantic Oscar.

“Listen Oscar, it’s not like I’m Tatum O’Neil – or like I’m about to land at the feet of B-movie stalwart Danny Trejo,” shouted Brody, as he landed at the feet of B-movie stalwart Danny Trejo.

“Welcome, Tatum!” said Trejo.

“I have a nose for trouble, and as you can see it’s for really big trouble,” said Adrien. as his nose emerged from its trailer with its stylist and publicist in tow.

Adrien is in the company of a troop of strangers, all deposited on this planet because the penal system deems them unreformable.

“Where’s David Spade?  His penile system has been unreformable for years,” noted Trejo, whose face looks like it was shaved with a chainsaw in a room full of distractions.

“Stop making cracks” croaked Brody.  ”This is the movie where I prove I can grouse and mutter like Clint Eastwood!”

Adrien is former Black Ops – a mercenary soldier.  And he and these strangers have been “chosen.”

“But chosen for what?” he asked.

“Chosen because you are cheap,” answered producer Robert Rodriguez, who seems determined to do to movie audiences what he has been doing to Rose McGowan for years now:  Screw us.

And who is this unlikely crew?  One Asian, an African, a Hispanic, a woman….It’s either an assembly designed for international box office appeal or day care at Angelina Jolie’s house.

“What planet is this?” asked Adrien.

“Wherever it is, my iPhone 4 keeps dropping calls,” said Danny Trejo.

“It’s a place where the budget is almost as low as the box office expectations,” said a fatter-than-ever Laurence Fishburne.

“Well at least there’s a lot of food here,” said Adrien.

“And that’s after I ate two of the three moons,” noted Fishburne.

Leave it to the people of Earth to find an uninhabited Earth-like planet and turn it into a wild animal park.

“But it’s beautiful in what’s left of the moonlight,” said Fishburne with a burp.

Don’t let the lack of polarized glasses fool you, Predators is 3D:  Drab, dull, and dumb.

What do you expect from a movie directed by a guy named “Nimrod.”

128

128 Responses to “Predators”

  1. z_man says:

    How does this even count for a review?! Lame man, looking for a critical analysis of the movie not your own biased (or biassed) opinion….how can RT even count your review? Lame man, lame.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    You’re right! There are so few ways to find “critical analysis” nowadays. We absolutely need one more.

    [Reply]

    Dan Reply:

    YOUARELAME

    have fun making your brilliant reply, cause I’m definitely not reading it

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Cue crickets.

    Frank Reply:

    I suppose when the writing is well done, the humor funny or anything but feable insults aimed at people far more talented than the reviewer, an amusing, non “critical analysis” review is fun to read…(yeah not so much with Ramsey)

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    “feable.” Say no more.

    TommyB Reply:

    For critical analysis, check out Glen Beck’s website!

    [Reply]

  2. Alienboy says:

    So I take it you enjoyed the movie? :P

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Obviously I did.

    [Reply]

    Susan Reply:

    Youre a funny idiot.
    I think Adrian Brody’s nose has a great career ahead of it.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Well obviously mission accomplished!

  3. David says:

    What sot of piss-poor film review is this, and how did it get into the top section of RT? You haven’t told me anything about this film. You’ve just ranted in a desperate attempt to sound clever, and insulted your readers with your unpleasant racism. The director may be named Nimrod, but this reviewer has earned the title.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I haven’t told you anything about the film?! It’s called “Predators,” dude, and it follows three other movies with “Predator” in the title. How much mystery is left?

    Then again, if I’ve insulted you then maybe my efforts have not been in vain.

    [Reply]

    JacobXScum Reply:

    Four other movies.

    [Reply]

  4. Ian says:

    Come on, another reviewer looking to make their name by being scathing and harsh on a review. The leading man has a big nose… YAWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNN. Really is this the best you can do? Are you trying to be Mark Kermode or is this article really something you have done in all seriousness? Yes the films not great but take it for wha it is, a sci fi action film that is after its core market (action film lovers and anyone who enjoyed predator 1 and 2). It might not be some rom com or chichk flick (which you must like???) but really this article is terrible. I would suggest either giving up or actually spending some time watching and reviewing the film… preferably when sober.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Because if there’s any movie intended to be taken seriously, it’s the fourth in the “Predator” series.

    [Reply]

    JacobXScum Reply:

    Fifth in the series.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Are you kidding me? I missed one altogether? No wonder this one has so many plot holes for me.

    That Guy Reply:

    @Ian: STFU Noob! It’s hard to take seriously someone who is defending such obvious drek as the Predator, and apparently, you know little of Mark Ramsey because he gleefully skewers rom coms and chick flicks as well! (By the way, take a second to admire how I correctly spelled “chick”)

    I suggest you stop taking yourself seriously (because no one else here is) and boycott yourself from messaging on the Internet. :)

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Here chichky chichky.

    [Reply]

  5. Don Besse says:

    Great review

    Thanks

    I laughed at it and learned from it

    Well done

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    As long as you learned from it! Anything that makes Predators educational is a plus.

    Thanks Don!

    [Reply]

  6. Steve says:

    Amazing review. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I wish someone would say it better. Too much pressure on me, quite honestly.

    [Reply]

  7. Gene S. says:

    You know, my least favorite part of any review is the line where the author desperately tries to get laughs by making some sort of crap pun or snarky comment. You’ve managed to cobble together a review using only these lines… astounding.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Yes, I am truly amazing that way.

    [Reply]

    Combat Sambo Reply:

    Amazing in the same way that poop vanishes from a toilet.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Poop vanishes from your toilet? It’s trying to get away from you.

    CB Reply:

    ha ha! just reading these comments and replies – Mark it’s like shooting ducks in a barrel (or geeks). Hilarious review! The point your dear readers (dudes) are missing is that this film does not deserve the kudos of a serious critique. That would be pretending it was, like, a proper film…which it wasn’t…as you pointed out. A cheap stitching together of clichés, stereotypes, and Laurence Fishburne’s brief appearance that made you think for a second it was about to get good but then became abundantly obvious he was just stuck in for the purpose of revealing some plot and sluicing conveniently into the next encounter with the aliens. The movie should be called Predictables. Also Fishburne’s performance became more than a little comical, much like Brody’s delivery for the entire thing! Why the hell can’t someone do justice to this worthy idea? Didn’t these filmmakers see the original??!!

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I love The Predictables. But isn’t that the movie Sly Stallone just did?

  8. Ethan says:

    Inspiring review, truly. God what an awful cast to pick as the chosen warriors of humanity.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    At least something about this movie was inspiring. Thanks Ethan!

    [Reply]

  9. Austin Doom says:

    Wow.. the nose jibe was all I needed to read to gauge how utterly tragic and cringeworthy this guy is as a film reviewer.

    Anti-semitic much? If you were in the UK you’d have Press Complaints Commission on your arse for that one.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Why are you talking to me like I’m not in the room?

    Anti-semitic? What are you talking about? Is the Predator Jewish?

    If I were in the UK my biggest worry would be having YOU near my arse.

    [Reply]

    Austin Doom Reply:

    Sorry, I’ll address you directly then.. Nice ‘comedy’ reply there.

    You can try and divert attention from your indirect ‘Jews have big noses’ side-swipe at Adrien Brody there but anyone reading it will just know you’re a tit. Indirect racism is still racism, just so you know.

    Nice to see you bordering on homophobia there too.

    Anything else?

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Well, “Austin Doom,” I’m glad to hear that you survived the explosion of your planet’s sun before landing safely here on Earth.

    My piece has nothing to do with religion, unless you’re talking about worshiping at the altar of crappy movies. And your assertion that one has to be Jewish to have an oversized nose is wrong in my experience, not to mention my mirror. You should be ashamed of yourself, really.

    And I suspect that the Catholic Mr. Brody would see it my way.

    Austin Doom Reply:

    It’s not about religion, it’s about race. I’m sure Adrien Brody, having a father of Polish-Jewish descent and a mother of Czech-Jewish descent is obviously born racially ‘Catholic’.
    It’s a nice evasive manoeuvre, but can’t turn this back around on me, sorry. I did not assert that one has to be Jewish to have an oversized nose, I merely pointed out that the comments in your article pander to an already long established racist stereotype which you seemed quite happy to perpetuate.
    If that’s not the case, then maybe you should just pick your insults more carefully? I’m sure I’m not the only person who’ll find those physical slights distasteful and offensive.

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Guess what, “Mr. Doom,” you are the only person who sees insults here and thus the only one offended by them. In effect, you are offending yourself. Not to mention me.

    The only thing I’m pandering to is a guy who pictures himself with a cape and the ability to fly.

    Susan Reply:

    I love Adrian Brody’s nose. I think it put in a great performance.

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    And that performance cast a long shadow, too.

    Penelope Reply:

    Austin Doom, you are so stupid.

    [Reply]

    Peter Reply:

    You are all stupid. And yes, Mark Ramsey, you are a loser.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Now there’s some compelling argumentation!

  10. oliver says:

    not really a review, more a complete ripping, i hope you continue in a similer fashion when predators 2 comes out…

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I hope you’re kidding. No, I really hope you’re kidding.

    [Reply]

  11. Ken says:

    Ignore the haters, Mr Ramsay!

    People coming here need to realise that they could easily get their ‘film-school critique’ of a film from any one of the hundreds of professional review sites.

    I come here after watching the film to enjoy your hilarious commentary and your acerbic wit – all sprinkled with a heavy dose of pop-cultural references.

    Keep it up!

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Thanks Ken! Obviously you and I both need to stop slumming :-)

    [Reply]

  12. Quest says:

    So how many editor’s dick did you suck in order to get this thing published as a “review”?

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Sir, it’s either “editor’s dick” or “editors’ dicks.”

    [Reply]

    Austin Doom Reply:

    I think an editor is what’s missing from this site.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Let’s hope so.

    Peter Reply:

    I would say that, and some intelligence.

  13. Tom Ato says:

    Well, well, well. Considering your pithy catch phrase is “”You Can’t Polish a Turd”", your review motivates me to send you to prison with Wesley to find out.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Ouch.

    On every level.

    [Reply]

  14. AO1JMM says:

    Are you fucking kidding me? This has to be the most horrible review of a film ever made and I’m not talking about the negative part about the film either. Somebody please take a moment and FIRE this dumb SOB.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I’m struggling with your syntax: “Most horrible review of a film ever made” – do you mean the most horrible review ever made? Because if so, I’ve certainly matched the review to a film that fits.

    [Reply]

  15. Leon says:

    Jeez, Mark, they’re giving you the business this week! As I recall, Jay and Silent Bob posited that the internet exists solely for people to b*tch about movies. Unfortunately, that was about ten years ago and we’ve devolved to the point where the internet solely exists to b*tch about movie reviews. You can’t help but wonder if Prince has a point about the whole thing.

    ANYWAY, I enjoyed this movie. The theatre was adequately air-conditioned, and there were enough sporadic loud noises to curb my intrusive thinking. There were actors I’d seen in other things before and now I was seeing them again, in this. And I like Adrien Brody’s nose. It’s the one way I can tell I’m not looking at Carrie Anne Moss.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    You are absolutely right. Adrien Brody and Carrie Anne Moss definitely look like brother and brother.

    [Reply]

  16. baron says:

    Just another amateur longing for attention ,dont feed the troll guys.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Yes, this is the kind of attention I want. Who doesn’t want this?

    [Reply]

  17. jp says:

    O man. Adjust your buttplugs please! The writing is good, the man is funny, the movie is crap. C?

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Thanks JP!

    [Reply]

  18. Steve Dillier says:

    To everyone getting worked up – please review the “About” section of this website because getting you worked up is basically the point of the website.

    Movie Juice is considered “satire,” and by definition the reviews do not contain any validity whatsoever.

    However, I think the confusion is stemming from this site’s listing on Rotten Tomatoes and other linked sites where critical reviews impact box office #s to some extent.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Stop digging so deep! You’re making me nervous!

    My goal in life is to rile up visitors to Rotten Tomatoes who need 105 cool-headed reviews of Predators because 104 just aren’t enough.

    [Reply]

  19. Theo says:

    For all the crap your getting about this being a bad review, I would like to point out that it was funny as hell. Thanks for this. Maybe not the best review but certainly an interesting piece of literature. [is that the right word?]

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Calling this rant “literature” might be a bit too kind. But calling Predators a “good movie” is even more so. Thanks!

    [Reply]

  20. Big nose owner says:

    Broody’s nose improves his aerodynamics in the air

    Only thing I want to add to this review is that no one in the movie acted as a professional soldier in any way, and more like gang of retards, also Broody is far from acting like a badass ex-SF guy, i expected him to pull out the piano from the nearest bushes for the whole movie. At least they could hire a good military adviser to make the movie more watcher-friendly.
    And with some imagination following the idea of the film that predators choose the best warriors to fight them, they’d should drop there a squad of any real SF force operating in Iraq or Afghanistan or any other low-intensity conflict area, but that way humans would hunt down this dumb predators ass, because no matter how badass you are as an individual, teamwork will determine who will prevail in the end, and predators judging on the movie are no good at that.
    I hope someone will think about that in the sequels….

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Brody’s nose almost has an origami aspect to it, doesn’t it?

    [Reply]

    Ro Reply:

    Brody wasn’t very good, ok, but what about the guy from that 70′s show? Both the actor and his character are worthless.

    [Reply]

    Susan Reply:

    did we see the same movie?

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Maybe not. There are so many with “Predator” in the title.

  21. Franco says:

    ” Drab, dull, and dumb”

    This is literally the only part of this pile of garbage where you step aside from the utterly HILARIOUS sketch you’re having with yourself and actually take a blind stab at reviewing the film (thats what you’re paid to do, right?).
    Even then; all we’re treated to is one sentence of unsubstantiated opinion with all the contemplation and descriptive finesse of an episode of Sesame Street.

    I mean honestly, regardless of the quality of the film itself; calling your skills as a reviewer of content sub-par would be doing you too much credit.
    Oh, and before you attempt to reply with some staple “comedy” to mask your own clear failings, I’d advise you not to bother. We’re all laughing AT you, not with you friend ;-)

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I have a funny feeling you’re not my friend, friend.

    [Reply]

  22. Matt says:

    Well, I have to say…I guess I’m an idiot. I went to the movies the other night…by myself…the wife and kids were asleep. I saw this movie and I kind of liked it. It was horribly unbelievable on any level, but it was entertaining nonetheless. There was modicum of character development to accompany the blood and action…I don’t know. Am I supposed to hate it? Because I didn’t…oh well.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    No you’re not supposed to hate it. But rest assured it hates you. And all the rest of us, too.

    [Reply]

    JessopJessopJessop Reply:

    Sorry Mark, although I enjoyed your review greatly, the pedant in me must point out that it is grammatically incorrect to begin a sentence with “And”.

    Anyway, I shall forgive that oversight and start linking to your reviews from RT regularly! This one raised a smile and just confirmed my suspicions. I gave up on this kind of drivel a long time ago, as counting Apple/Dell/Coke/Youtube/ logos just became too much of a bind. I presume this effort is no different; the acting coming in a poor third place to vomit inducing CGI and not-so discreet product placement.

    It also astounds me that some people can be so vitriolic about something so throwaway. Who CARES how many Predator movies there are! They are, like so many other franchises, utter, utter garbage aimed at fools who like to be parted with their money. This series should never have even BEEN a series! It died the minute Predator 2 was conceived. Get over it.

    I have no idea what prompted me to write this.. I should get back to work.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    You don’t have to apologize – unless it’s for enjoying my review.

    And don’t worry about the need to get back to work. The Internet was created for people to do stuff while they need to get back to work. Thanks for the note!

  23. donuteyes says:

    are the people that are leaving comments so stupid that they cannot figure out the nature of this site based on the tone of the review? try to sense the humor, people…

    [Reply]

    Tom Ato Reply:

    I guess you are mislead donuteyes, we all came to RottenTomatos.com for actual reviews and NOT, I repeat NOT the site called”Ball”Juice.com from which you came, you sucked, and you slurped in order to advance the reviewer’s impotent but semi-erect satirical review. Not unlike your daily experience with your hand, we were left unsatisfied.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    If that were funnier, maybe it would be funny.

    [Reply]

    Tom Ato Reply:

    Well thank you. Since this is the site for self-aggrandizing behaviour I thought that I would prance, preen, and peacock a little for the readers until they stroke or choke. Just doing my part to add to the narrative :)

    donuteyes Reply:

    so, because i get it, i’m the chronic masturbator?

    why don’t you stop fellating rottentomatoes.com and get some of your own opinions instead of being mad that a review of ‘predators’ wasn’t up to your journalistic standards. ‘predators.’ that’s what you’re mad about. really, think about that…

    [Reply]

    Tom Ato Reply:

    Yikes, must have touched a nerve. Well you’re probably just feeling a little sensitive but are not sure where it’s coming from and hence, your response. Maybe you need to talk to someone about your feelings or maybe….. your other hand misses you.

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    See you’re doing so well then a comment like that slips out. Back to therapy for you! :-)

  24. Big nose owner says:

    my nose is to big to sense anything that is not money:)))

    i think the purpose of the movies is to entertain in the first place. If you feel entertained after this movie so be it:) Everything is personal…

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    If everything is personal then I can neither be universally right nor wrong!

    That will explode my worldview!

    It can’t be, it just can’t!

    [Reply]

    Big nose owner Reply:

    How is it felling with exploded wordview?:)

    [Reply]

  25. Matt says:

    I know Mark is being satirical…I get it. However, I do believe he hated the movie…for real. Mark, tell me if I’m off base. I sat through Toy Story 3 and Despicable Me with my kids…I would have given my left nut to be in the theater watching “Predators” instead…..not sure if this means anything…probably not.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Well when you put it that way, Predators is Citizen Kane. Thanks Matt.

    [Reply]

  26. John says:

    You’re really, really a very strange guy. You write these reviews, and clearly put some time into writing them, but they’re just so terribly corny. It’s like, I get it, you want to be different, but this is just asinine.

    Then you respond to almost all of the comments on your review. Who does that? That’s just silly. Do you have a life?

    Look out, here comes another banal witticism.

    [Reply]

    John Reply:

    Ok. So I looked around a little more, and I see that the site is based on this sort of snarky quippery that you put together. I make no attempt to hide the fact that I abhor it, but I can respect that you’ve found a niche doing something you likely enjoy doing. Just understand that this comes off like something a third grader wrote and has no place in the mix with other standard movie reviews on aggregator sites. It’s not really a review at all and is appropriately labeled as a “rant”. Again, though, a rant has no place amongst serious reviews.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Agree to disagree.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    You’re commenting on a review for “Predators,” of all things, but I’M the one who’s strange?

    [Reply]

  27. Flaming homo says:

    DAYUMN!! Excuse me, can I talk to you fo’ a minute?

    Da inside of yo’ head is REDIKULOUS!

    Can I have yo’ numba?

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    So let’s take a vote. Should I give this person my phone number? Or should I get off the grid fast?

    [Reply]

  28. chris tyler says:

    your replies to everybody are hilarious. your funny man

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Ah, someone who doesn’t take all this so seriously! Thanks!

    [Reply]

  29. tessel says:

    What a sport.

    if proof was ever needed that diehard fans of the predator sequels languish with double digit IQs, this comment section is it.

    [Reply]

  30. Alex says:

    I was lost in reading this “review”. I’m guessing that the purpose was for you to invoke a whollllleee bunch of sarcasm and scathing judgment upon what you thought was a mess of a movie? Well if that’s the case, it didn’t entertain. There was nothing critical or analytical about this piece; nothing was learned; I didn’t even get what your point was. If you’re going to insult everyone that acted and/or directed in the movie, fine. If you’re going to pawn it off as a review at the same time…look to more educated prose for your inspiration.

    As for the film…I thought it was great. Brody, in true acting form, delivered all the one liners with their necessary wit…and didn’t leave me feeling awkward like every Schwarzenegger one-liner did in the original Predator. (They’re famous now for a reason…they were so bloody bad.) The movie did all it could do: give you some awesome action sequences, some bad ass guns, and an extra plus with Brody acting.

    [Reply]

  31. Aaron says:

    Review: Uncreative and canned, but still mildly amusing in a formulaic sense, though it’s an incomplete formula.

    Movie: Mindlessly semi-entertaining, not particularly noteworthy in the positive or negative sense either way.

    Satire is one thing, but a satirical movie review with hardly any actual review to it is little more than a random punch-line in search of a worthwhile joke.

    But, if that’s what the unwashed and generally useless masses want…let them have their bread and circuses.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    What? You mean I’m supposed to have written a movie review? Wow, okay. There sure aren’t many of those around!

    [Reply]

    Dean Sharaz Reply:

    of course you were supposed to do a review WTF is this site for? i dont want an entertainer i want to find out if this film is worth my time and money. period. leave the satire to the professionals.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Right! Because your time and money should always be in the hands of amateurs. Period.

  32. Emmet says:

    They are planning the “prequel” right? -> http://www.scriptflags.com/2010/06/predators-prequel-confirmed.html

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Not if I have anything to say about it.

    And it turns out, I don’t.

    [Reply]

  33. Dean Sharaz says:

    i just checked out some other of your reviews and they are in the same type of ‘comedy’ format. I suppose you are trying to be different and stand out but this is pure trash..worthless drivel. instead of trying to stand out,be like everyone else and do a proper review. these jokes weren’t funny and the fact that i kept reading to find out if it contained any substance pertaining to the movie at hand only to be let down, well it makes me want my 5 mins back.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I wold be happiest if you’d take ALL your minutes back.

    [Reply]

  34. Mark_my_words says:

    Hey Mark
    I’m not very good at writing comments (or good grammar)….but here it is. I want to say your review gave me an idea of what kind of movie I’m about to watch. Though I think you posted a genuine review, don’t you think you pissed off a lot of the consensus?
    Please don’t bother writing a smart reply back to me to defend your review, because I’m not against your review..nor am I for it…I feel it’s a little bit too harsh. I feel a critic should be writing a review not just on how he felt after watching the movie but also how most of the people who agree to it. I think you focused on the first part. That’s ok, it’s fine…its a free country…but don’t you think you you have seen far worse movies…Sex and the City2..or was that 3? I think you can come up with 20 different movies that are far worse than this movie that deserve a harsh review.
    Anyways I like your review..but I want to admire it…problem is you’ve milked it with a lot of hate that I feel some pity for the movie (since it’s not thaaat bad). In reality I want to admire you for your review that speak the general consensus on the people, but you’re generated more controversy that I can’t judge if this is an accurate review of the movie anymore. I know it’s not a movie that deserves an accurate review, but hey most of the people who are watching this movie are usually not the best at judging a good movie from the worst….they’re mostly action fans (teens/kids/random ppl)..so please oblige them with your most accurate review less the excessive hate. :) (Sacrasm in modertion is fine I guess…but I’m a nobody, you don’t have to listen to me if you don’t want to)
    I’m not speaking for the other reviewers…but I feel if you don’t like the movie..just say you don’t like that movie. Don’t bury it like its the worst thing you’ve ever seen…that’s not right for a lot of people who’ve put their hardwork into this movie. Just rate it unwatchable and move on, don’t use it as a medium to launch a very harsh review that gets everybodys attention. Sorry if I said too much (I know I have)..again like I said it’s my first time writing to a movie critic but I feel like I should mention this to you and that you need a hug….
    :) X
    Please be nice….

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Well when you end with “please be nice” I shrivel into a little ball and roll away.

    Thanks for the way-too-thoughtful-for-Predators note!

    Are there worse movies? Sure! But I’d hate to succeed by that standard. And frankly I expect more out of Robert Rodriguez, as Machete proves.

    [Reply]

  35. thetruthhurts says:

    I didn’t expect to read so many comments about your review from so many people so set in convention. You all lack the imagination to appreciate anything out of the mundane and conservative. You bunch of turkeys! Why should anyone listen to your opinion? Do us all a favour and evolve before you try understanding satire!

    One aspect of being creative is to appreciate things in unexpected places A great play on words begins with contradicting the expected with the unexpected. A good raconteur plays with these words and introduces comedy. A good comedian often crosses the line – offending people in jest (I can’t believe I’m explaining this to un-evolved degenerates – it’s like showing a four year old for the first time how to clean up after themselves :-p)

    I should probably end with an insult because you’ll provide someone else who read this with another witty retort. Ha Harr!

    What else is the internet for? Certainly not movie reviews of ‘Predators’

    [Reply]

  36. phil says:

    Thank you mark,
    I was beginning to believe that i would never have what it takes to make it as a film critic, what with my atrocious speelling, me lacking of understanding of grammer, my complete despondency to all things celluloid, and the fact that my short term memory is so bad i can barely formulate a coherent… um, where was i?

    But after seeing your work , i have come to understand that all it really takes is a complete lack of any literary talent, or understanding of film. And that all i really need is a hat-trick full of (albeit mildly anti-Semitic) witticisms, and an ego in desperate need of constant massaging.

    Thank you Mr Ramsey, for giving my life meaning again.

    phil x

    P.s As a handicapped , homosexual Jew, it would be wonderful to hear a few jokes about disability from you as well, that way we could go 3 for 3 before the year is out

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    You are handicapped all right.

    [Reply]

  37. jake smith says:

    if you’re just going to devote an entire review (using the word in the broadest sense) of making fun of the movie, at least try to think of something more clever then big nose jokes. it looks like a 10 year old wrote this.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I once interviewed a filmmaker who had directed Ben Kingsley, and I must have had about a dozen nose jokes queued up in my questions. I got through about six of them before the publicist sensed the guy was about to hit me. Good times, good times.

    [Reply]

  38. Bijunator says:

    Thanks a lot Mark….I was looking for somewhere to take my frustration out after watching such a great idea of PREDATOR being raped in PREDATORS…why? why?how can someone think of making such a mockery of Predator?Man, Predator is a like a cult for us. Only those who have lived predator can only understand how Predators hurt our sentiments…A complete crap…

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I don’t know if I have lived Predator the way you have, but I certainly empathize! Thanks for the note.

    [Reply]

  39. Warner Brown says:

    Wow, nice attempt at trying to be funny. When you review a film, just review the goddamn film.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Yes, because there’s not nearly enough of that online, is there?

    [Reply]

  40. Hannibal Lecter says:

    Nice “review”

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Thanks for those quotes! They belong, don’t they!

    [Reply]

  41. some dude says:

    Pfft. ‘This a review? It’s not funny. Or even accurate. I thought satire is suppose to resemble real life in some way.

    What kind of loser keeps replying to every comment to all criticism he gets for a months old movie?
    Mark Ramsey! (Who’s that again? Meh, Who cares?)

    Flame me all you want because I won’t read it anyway. ‘Cause i have a life.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I’m still stuck on the notion that you seem to have a life.

    [Reply]

  42. Always Gone says:

    You seem to reply to just about every one of these comments don’t you Mark? You must hold this review in high regard. I’m not sure why you would, but that’s just my opinion. I had already seen Predators before reading this review, so I agree with your dislike, but I would rather read an analysis with humor and wit thrown in.

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Analysis? What is this, Washington Week in Review? Is this a movie blog or a testimony before Congress?

    [Reply]

  43. emapten says:

    Mark I found your comments to be the best way to celebrate my disappointment of Predators, honestly I think you are in the wrong line of work, and should do audio commentary for films like these!!! I love’em!!!

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I’m with you! It’s a tempting option, that’s for sure. And the MST3K guys haven’t completely cornered the market.

    [Reply]

  44. tehehehehe says:

    Are you homosexual?

    [Reply]

    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Let me get this straight, the person in love with the movie where guys dress up in raptor costumes is now trying to ask me out on a date? Try match.com, pal. There must be a category for “dudes who like guys in raptor costumes.”

    [Reply]

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