The Lorax

By Mark Ramsey | 2012/03/04

I’m short, stout, and orange – bushy mustache and brow

A Danny DeVito scale figure, and how!

I’m no top shelf at all, but a bit of a bore

More like the Suess that was stuck in a drawer

I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees

I’m a creature whose hair is like Wilford Brimley’s

“But the trees have no tongue, and neither should you…”

Unless Liberty Medical buys it, that’s true!

So what better way to proclaim our green days

than for your humble Lorax to nag at your ways

You people buy water, when it’s really quite free…

and 5 dollar popcorn at IMAX for me!

So plant trees, I’m saying, and don’t cut them down!

Or you’ll slup and you’ll grunt and make Humming-fish frown

Embrace nature, you see, but I don’t mean to nag

as your kids eat soft pretzels from a hot plastic bag

Take care of our planet from the day you are born

And add grickly butter-like slop on popcorn

Do not buy the air when the air should be free

But slather your nachos with goop colored like me

Our resources are scarce, so preserve them you see

and drive away home in your big SUV

I’d preach at you more, but the film’s almost done

So get out of our IMAX, and make room for someone!

For the planet is really quite less our concern

Than the number of dollars Universal will earn

I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees

And if money will grow on them, that’s the bee’s knees


21 Responses to “The Lorax”

  1. Spot on says:

    Lol, nice.


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Ha, thanks!


    katie ballantine Reply:

    hahaha lol funny shit these days :P


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Hey watch your language, Katie, this is a family picture!


  2. Brendon says:

    This review was painfully dull, and redundant I say,

    But I just couldn’t bring myself to wander away,

    I assume that’s the point you were hoping to convey,

    So well done my fine chap, and I bid thee good day.


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Well your beats need a little more practice, I’d say. And if you want “redundant” go spend 90 minutes with The Lorax.


    Adam Reply:

    I [mostly] like what you’ve done here. It made me smile, but if you’re going to imitate Dr. Seuss, at least make sure that the very first line scans OK. You have an extra syllable in there any way you slice it, and it casts a shadow.


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Hmm. I think you need my audiobook version, Adam. Because the way I read it it reads just fine!

    But thanks for the close attention and the note!

  3. Someone says:

    This is brilliant. Although, now I wish more movies merited a whimsical review such as this.


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Well I have been called many things but “whimsical” is not one of them.

    Thanks for the comment!

    PS I was wondering who owned the domain “youdontneedmyemail” and now I know!


  4. TommyB says:

    Nice review. And kinda deep, too!

    And you made “bore” rhyme with “drawer”.
    I’m not sure, but that might be a first.
    Some people said it couldn’t be done and far more said it shouldn’t.
    But you proved them… err… wrong…? I’m not sure.

    Congrats, anyway!


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I’m trying to decide if your comment rhymes or not. Thanks Tom!


  5. David Hernandez says:

    You’re genius is rare,
    And your words are so neat.
    If this all continues,
    We are in for a treat.

    Thanks Mark for all these amazing review. I don’t think the world knows how lucks we are.


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    If I were to write them all this way I fear they’d get boring fast.

    Well, even faster than usual.

    Thanks for the kind words and the Seuss-rhyme!


  6. rich says:

    I didn’t like the movie but plese don’t write in poetry..its hard to understand


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Yes, it’s too hard for adults to understand. That’s why Seuss’s books are made for children.


  7. Joshua Eckert says:

    Mark, thanks for the poetic contribution. I just saw another inspired poem along the same lines, knocking the Lorax-Mazda partnership:


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    Great minds think like Dr. Seuss…..


  8. Mark Ramsey says:

    Blah blah blah – I can’t hear you over all that shouting.

    Your tone is as “nuanced” as Joss’s overbearing CG and undercooked plot.


  9. Smack in the Mouth says:

    This rant made me laugh
    So here’s what’s on my mind
    I think that this is funny
    What an interesting find

    The cleverness of your rhymes
    And the sarcasm too
    Portray this film perfectly
    So I tip my hat off to you


    Mark Ramsey Reply:

    I approve! Nicely done!


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